Rockford Files

Jim Rockford's Answering Machine

First Season

The Kirkoff Case [101] Jim, It's Norma at the market. It bounced. You want us to tear it up, send it back, or put it with the others?sound1

The Dark And Bloody Ground [102] Hey Jim, this is Louie down at the fish market. You going to pick up these halibut or what?sound1

The Countess [103] Hey Rockford, very funny. I ain't laughing. You're gonna' get yours.sound1

Exit Prentiss Carr [104] It's Morrie. Got a call from Davis at the IRS. You were right. They bounced your return. Call me.sound1

Tall Woman In Red Wagon [105] It's Laurie at the trailer park. A space opened up. Do you want me to save it or are the cops going to let you stay where you are?sound1

This Case Is Closed [106] Really want Shimbu in the seventh? C'mon, that nag couldn't go a mile in the back of a pickup truck. Call me.sound1

The Big Ripoff [107] It's Aundra. Remember last summer at Pat's? I've got a twelve hour layover before I go to Chicago. How about it?sound1

Find Me If You Can [108] This is the blood bank. If you don't have malaria, hepatitis, or TB, we'd like to have a pint of your blood.sound1

In Pursuit Of Carol Thorne [109] This is the message phone company. I see you're using our unit, now how about paying for it?sound1

The Dexter Crisis [110] I staked out that guy only it didn't work out like you said. Please call me. Room 234, County Hospital.sound1

Caledonia--It's Worth A Fortune [111] It's John Jones. What did you do the hand, son? Three fractured knuckles! You hit somebody?sound1

Profit And Loss Part One: Profit [112] Hey Jimmy, this here's Tida Skaret. Remember me? From the army. I'm stuck here in town. How about I come over and bunk with you, buddy?sound1

Profit And Loss Part Two: Loss [113] This is Mrs. Mosely at the library. We billed you for your overdue book "Karate Made Easy." We abuse our libary, we don't get our cards renewed.sound1

Aura Lee, Farewell [114] Mr. Rockford? You don't know me, but I'd like to hire you. Could you call me at...my name is, uh, never mind. Forget it.sound1

Sleight Of Hand [115] Rockford, this is Mr. Dow. If you think I'm going to pay to have your car repainted, you're nuts. You can take your expense bill and stuff it.sound1

Counter Gambit [116] Jim, it's Jack. I'm at the airport. I'm going to Tokyo and I want to pay you the $500 I owe you. Catch you next year when I get back.sound1

Claire [117] Mr. Rockford? This is the Thomas Crown School of Dance and Contemporary Etiquette. We aren't going to call again. Now, you want these free lessons, or what?

Say Goodbye To Jennifer [118] This is Mrs. Lindis. Three times this month I come to clean and it always looks like people been fighting in there. Furniture broke, things tipped over. I'm sorry, but I quit.sound1

Charlie Harris At Large [119] Hey, Jim, it's me. Susan Ellis from the laundromat. You said you were going to call and it's been two weeks. What's wrong, you lose my number?sound1

The Four Pound Brick [120] This is Shirley from the bank. The answers are: no, no and yes. No, we won't loan you money. No, we won't accept any co-signers; and yes, your account's overdrawn. I get off at 4:30.sound1

Just By Accident [121] This is Thelma Sue Bigsly. It's about the research I called you about, family tree. Did you talk to your daddy? We may be kin.

Roundabout [122] This is Marilyn Reed, I want to talk to you...is this a machine? I don't talk to machines.sound1


Second Season

The Aaron Ironwood School Of Success [201] Hi, Jim. We couldn't reach you, so we went ahead with the job and I know you're really going to dig it. But if you don't I suppose we can always tear it out.

The Farnsworth Strategem [202] Rockford, this is Tony. Now, your car's ready. Couldn't reach you, so I went ahead and put in the new pistons. The tab's $527.54. And this time we're talking cash.

Gearjammers Part One [203] Jimmy, it's Angel. Don't pay no attention to my other message. You're out of it. You're clean, no trouble at all. Just ignore the first message.

Gearjammers Part Two [204] Okay, pal, it's Harry. I just checked my car. You kept the battery charged all right, you also put 3500 miles on it.

The Deep Blue Sleep [205] Hi, Jim. Thanks for the dinner invitation. I'd love to, but does it have to be the taco stand?

The Great Blue Lake Land And Development Company [206] Hello-Jim-Rockford's-machine. This-is-Larry-Doheny's-machine. Will-you-please-have-your-master-call-my-master-at-his-convenience? Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you.

The Real Easy Red Dog [207] Jim? It's Shirley at the cleaners. You know that brown jacket, the one I said looked so great on you? Your favorite. We lost it.

Resurrection In Black And White [208] Hiya, Jimmy, it's Cousin Lou. Going to be in town a coupla days. Know you won't mind putting us up. It's just me and Aunt Sissy and B.J. and the kids and little Freddie.

Chicken Little Is A Little Chicken [209] Jim, it's Beth. You have the vet's number, the flea collar and extra litter. One thing I forgot, keep him away from other cats. He's not very discriminating.

2 Into 5.56 Won't Go [210] Jim, it's Maria over at the laundromat. There's a yellow dress in with your things. Is that a mistake, or special handling, or what?

Pastoria Prime Pick [211] Hey, Jimbo, Dennis. Really appreciate the help on the income tax. Wanna help on the audit now?

The Reincarnation Of Angie [212] Hi, Jim, it's Jamie at the police impound. They picked up your car again. Lately, they've been driving it more than you have.

The Girl In The Bay City Boys Club [213] Hi, sonny, it's Rocky. I got the bill and I've been trying to figure what everybody owes on L.J.'s birthday party. Tell me, did you have the Pink Lady?

The Hammer Of C Block [214] It's Jack. The check is in the mail. Sorry it's two years late. Sorry I misfigured my checking account and I'm overdrawn. Sorry I stopped payment on it. So, when it comes, tear it up. Sorry.

The No-Cut Contract [215] Horas fantasticos. La unique opportunidad en su vida la frescia rosaria llantas realiades. Call toll free - cinco-cinco-cinco, tres-uno-dos-uno.

A Portrait Of Elizabeth [216] Jim, it's Harry. We've been waitin' on you for two hours at the Forbes'. Where's the forks? Lasagna ain't no finger-food.

Joey Blue Eyes [217] Sorry, Jim, this is for Rocky. Hey, Rock...Stan. Top that redhead and her sister, 10:30, Stacy's Grill. **chuckle**

In Hazard [218] Mr. Rockford, Miss Miller of the Bartlet Book Club. "Great Detectives Of America" is not in stock, so we sent you "Cooking Made Easy." Hope you enjoy it.

The Italian Bird Fiasco [219] Jim? Sally. Hey, I just found out you were an Aries. Listen, if you have Virgo rising, give me a call.

Where's Houston [220] Jim? Madame Arcala at the Zodiac Resturant. You don't pay that dinner tab, we're gonna repo your birthday.

Foul On The First Play [221] Jim, it's Eddie. You were right about Sweet Talk in the seventh. He breezed in, paid $72.50. But I didn't get your bet down.

A Bad Deal In The Valley [222] Uncle Jim? It's Ralph. I got your letter, but I moved out here anyway. I really want those detective lessons.

Third Season

The Fourth Man [301] Hi, just want to put your mind at rest. Found your address book in the theater last week. It's in the mail. By the way, Carol's okay, but Linda...sound1

The Oracle Wore A Cashmere Shirt [302] Teddy's Tree House. You've won our free landscaping services for one full year. We'll mow your lawn, top your trees, mulch, seed, fertilize and feed. Isn't that wonderful?sound1

The Family Hour [303] Hey, Jim, it's Frank. Me and Ellie's down here for our convention. Can't wait to see you. Should be over at your place about 1 AM. Banzai, buddy.sound1

Feeding Frenzy [304] Hi, this is the Happy Pet Clinic. Your father gave us this number when he left town. The calico stray had six kittens. Please come get them. Today!sound1

Drought At Indianhead River [305] Jim, thanks for taking little Billy fishing, he had a great time. Turns out he wasn't even really seasick. Um, have you ever had chicken pox?

Coulter City Wildcat [306] It's Shirley at the Plant and Pot. There's just no easy way to tell you this, Jim. We did everything we could. Your fern died.

So Help Me God [307] Dr. Souter's office. This is the third time you've cancelled. Now, you have to have that root canal. A sore foot has nothing to do with your mouth.sound1

Rattlers' Class Of '63 [308] Gene's 24 Hour Emergency Plumbing. Your water heater's blown? We'll have somebody out there Tuesday. Thursday at the latest.sound1

Return To The 38th Parallel [309] Tompkins at Guaranteed Insurance. About your burglary claim. Major loss all right. Funny you remembered to file, but you didn't remember to pay your premium.sound1

Piece Work [310] This is Dr. Souter's office again, regarding that root canal. This doctor is in his office...waiting. He's beginning to dislike you.sound1

The Trouble With Warren [311] Jimmy, it's Phil in Puerto Rico. This is real important. Talked to Mr.[line noise], he'll pay $20,000. Call him at [line noise].sound1

There's One In Every Port [312] Bummer! I call up with some good vibes and some positive energies, and I talk to a robot? Forget you, man!sound1

Sticks And Stones May Break Your Bones, But Waterbury Will Bury You [313] This is the Department Of The Army. Our records show that you are the "Rockford, James" who failed to turn in his service automatic in May 1953. Contact us at once.sound1

The Trees, The Bees And T.T. Flowers Part One [314] Jimmy, old buddy, buddy. It's Angel! You know how they allow you one phone call? Well, this is it.sound1

The Trees, The Bees And T.T. Flowers Part Two [315] Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?sound1

The Becker Connection [316] Hi, um, I'm confused. Is this Dial-A-Prayer? Well, should I call back when the reverend's in the office, or what?sound1

Just Another Polish Wedding [317] George Devon, Malibu Space Watch. Had three sightings last week. You see anything unusual? Television reception interrupted? Call 555-1313. sound1

New Life, Old Dragons [318] It's Pete. Hope you enjoyed using the cabin last week. Only next time leave the trout in the refrigerator, huh? Not in the cupboard.sound1

To Protect And Serve Part One [319] This is Dusty, your father's friend. So you helped me move, that's it? You couldn't call? See if maybe I don't like the new place? See if maybe there's some painting to be done?sound1

To Protect And Serve Part Two [320] This is incredible. Do you know that last night I had one of my dreams? I dreamed that if I called you, you wouldn't be home. And you're not.sound1

Crack Back [321] The is Doctor Souter. My nurse tells me you've blown four root canal appointments. Well, you're finished in this office.sound1

Dirty Money, Black Light [322] This is Toby. I forgot what I was calling for. Your recording is so boring. Spike it with some humor, some personality. Something.sound1

Fourth Season

Beamer's Last Case [401] [loud traffic noise in background] Jimmy, this is Angel. Listen, I've got this new pad, right over by the Hollywood Freeway, and some friends are coming. Borrow your record player?sound1

Trouble In Chapter 17 [402] [Noises from large dog in background] Jim, this is Donna. Boy, we've really been swamped today. No, sit. We should closing in about...sit. I'll meet you at...oh, get down.sound1

The Battle Of Canoga Park [403] It's Betty from up the street. I'm phoning all the neighbors because Spotty is loose. If you see him, call me. Oh, don't wear musk cologne. Leopards have a thing about that.sound1

Second Chance [404] This is Globe Publications. Our records show you did not return your free volume of the Encyclopedia Of Weather. So, we'll be sending you the remaining twenty-nine volumes. You'll be billed accordingly.sound1

The Dog And Pony Show [405] Jimmy, Lou. You owe me five bucks. Matarozo's average in the '68 Series was .310 not .315. Oh...and...uh...Fran and I are getting divorced.

Requiem For A Funny Box [406] Mr. Rockford, Sue Ellen. Our class is having that crazy scavenger hunt I told you about. If you're wondering what happened to your trailer door, it's going to win me first prize.

Quickie Nirvana [407] Hey, I saw your ad in the classified. Three African goats for sale. I keep calling and all I get is a machine. Is that a typo in the paper, or what?

Irving The Explainer [408] So you put your machine on at night, huh? Just because I call you at 3 A.M.? You know how bad my insomnia is. Thanks a lot Jim.

The Mayor's Committee From Deer Lick Falls [409] Jim? This is Manny down at Ralph's Bar. Some guy named Angel Martin just ran up a fifty buck bar tab. Now he wants to charge it to you. You gonna pay it?

Hotel Of Fear [410] Hey, am I too late for those African goats? Haven't got the whole three hundred cash, but, like I've got a whole lot of homemade cheese. Maybe we could work something out.

Forced Retirement [411] *Beep* Hi, there. If you are interested in selling your product by a computerized telephone sales *beep* stay on the line and one of our representatives will speak with you.

The Queen Of Peru [412] Jim, it's Grace, at the bank. I checked your Christmas Club account. You don't have $500. You have $50. Sorry, computer foul up.

A Deadly Maze [413] Hey, Jimmy, I tried to catch you before you left. Hey, buddy, I was wrong. That rally in Mexico, it was yesterday.

The Attractive Nuisance [414] Jimmy Scott? This is Aunt Bea from Tulsa. Cousin Randy just graduated high school and wants to be a movie producer. Now you live out in Hollywood, you just do something.sound1

The Gang At Don's Drive-In [415] Jim, I have finally finished twelve long years of pyschotherapy and I'm now able to tell you just what I think of you. Would you please call me?sound1

The Paper Palace [416] This is Mrs. Owens with the Association For A Better Malibu. Thanks for your contributions. We've made great strides, but it would help dear, if you could move your trailer.sound1

Dwarf In A Helium Hat [417] Here's the tally, Jimbo. You had Atlanta at even money, tough break. And you got bombed in the Duke-Wake Forest fiasco, and you split the Cornell at Hollypark. So you're in the book for $4.50. Anytime before Friday, huh, buddy?sound1

South By Southeast [418] Bill Skelly with ICO. I'd like to interest you in some new private detection, including the 44OA Telephonic Bug. We'll demonstrate it in a friend's home for one full week, at no charge.

The Competitive Edge [419] Okay, Jimbo, Dennis. I know you're in there. And I know you know it's ticket season again. Policeman's Ball and all that. So come to the door when I knock this time. I know you're in there.sound1

The Prisoner Of Rosemont Hall [420] That number four you just picked up from Angelo's Pizza? Some scouring powder fell in there. Don't eat it. Hey, I hope you try your phone machine before dinner.sound1

The House On Willis Avenue [421] Good morning, this is the telephone company. Due to repairs we're giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely at 10 o'clock. That's two minutes from now.sound1

The House On Willis Avenue Part II [***] Sonny, this is Dad. Nevermind giving that talk on your occupation to the Grey Power Club. Hap Dudley's son is a doctor and everybody'd sorta...well, rather hear from him, but thanks.sound1

Fifth Season

Heartaches Of A Fool [501] Say, I'm the one who hit your car at Fork City. I've got no insurance, I'm broke. But, I really wanted you to know how sorry I am. If it makes you feel any better I hurt my arm.sound1

Rosendahl And Gilda Stern Are Dead [502] Hello? You the guy who lost a wallet in the Park Theater? Well, I'm kinda like into leather. So, I'll be returning the money, but I'm going to keep the wallet.sound1

The Jersey Bounce [503] Jimmy, Angel. Here's a tip, but his handwriting's bad. Third Son in the fifth race at Bel Meadows. Wait a minute, could be Fifth Son in the third. Wait, this might be next week's race.sound1

White On White And Nearly Perfect [504] Pacific view lots. Perpetual care by people who care. At an unbelievably low price. Call Montief and Snell, the full service mortuary. We won't rest easy, until you rest easy.

Kill The Messenger [505] Jim, Chet, returning your call. Sorry I missed you, but I appreciate you calling back. And if you call again and I'm not in, just leave your message and I'll get back to you.sound1

The Empty Frame [506] Jim, directions to the party. Left on Sagis you'll see a rock. Left, left again, right, another left, there's kind of a hill--keep going you'll probably see a bunch of cars.

Three Day Affair With A Thirty Day Escrow [507] Rockford? Alice, Phil's Plumbing. We're still jammed up on a job, so we won't be able to make your place. Use the bathroom at the restaurant one more night.sound1

A Good, Clean Bust With Sequel Rights [508] Jim, I have to thank you for talking over my problems with me last Tuesday night. I love you for it, but can you have lunch tomorrow to talk about the divorce? I'm real bummed out.sound1

Black Mirror [509] Jim, I leave London four o'clock, arrive L.A. nine. I guess that's London time. Yeah, four to nine is five, minus twelve flying... no, plus twelve. Ah, but then there's a time change.

Black Mirror II [***] Rockford, Jake at the Sand Pebble. Sorry old buddy, but there have been gunshots around your place once too often. The neighborhood association wants to have a talk with you.

A Fast Count [510] Jim, you give Peg the two hundred for the painting. She owes me seventy and I owe you forty-six for the Christmas trees. Harry's still out sixty for the dinner, but at least it'll void that check.sound1

Local Man Eaten By Newspaper [511] Sonny, this message ain't for you, it's for me. I just want to remind myself to pick up the big ladder at the Paint Mart.sound1

With The French Heel Back, Can The Nehru Jacket Be Far Behind? [512] Jim, Coop. I'm at the address you wrote down for the poker game tonight. This is a gas station, it's closed, there's no one around and now my car is stalled. Now, you got to call me at 4-6-6-3-*click*.sound1

The Battle-Ax And The Exploding Cigar [513] Miss Hollroy, City Federal. Your lost check still hasn't arrived. It's impossible for us to lose checks, so unless we receive full payment by noon today we'll foreclose.sound1

Guilt [514] Jimmy, Angel. Listen, Eddie Talliferro just gave me a hot tip on a class filly in the eighth out at Holly Park. Only trouble is I need twenty.sound1

The Deuce [515] Mr. Rockford, Arthur's Hi-Fi. Your stereo is ready, but since your warranty expired in the two months it was in our shop, you'll have to pay the $60 on the repair.sound1

The Man Who Saw The Alligators [516] Mr. Rockford, you know what to do if you are attacked and killed? Ask for Albert Kimcee at grand opening of Happy Dawn School of Secret Arts. Win free lesson.sound1

Return Of The Black Shadow [517] Jim, this is Florence Boyle, you worked for my husband last month in Glendale. You were so helpful then, and, well I have a problem of my own I'd like to discuss. Confidentially, of course.

A Material Difference [518] Jim, Joel Myers at Crowell, Finch and Merriwether. We're going to court tomorrow with that Penrose fraud case, but steno misplaced your 200 page deposition. Could you come down tonight and give it again?

Never Send A Boy King To Do A Man's Job Part One [519] Mr. Rockford, Miss Collins from the Bureau of Licenses. We got your renewal before the extended deadline, but not your check. I'm sorry, but at midnight you're no longer licensed as an investigator.sound1

Never Send A Boy King To Do A Man's Job Part Two [***] Jim, Denny from Denny's Pest Blasters. Got a great deal for ya. We'll rub out your rodents at a tremendously low cost. So call us, we're in the Yellow Pages and we mean business.sound1

A Different Drummer [520] Jim, this is Andrea at Todd's Food Mart. Listen, there's a guy down here by the name of Angel Martin whose charge $110 worth of groceries to your account. Is that okay with you?sound1

Sixth Season

Paradise Cove [601] Jim, this is Cal of the Leave The Whales Alone Club. Our protest cruise leaves from the pier Saturday at 3 AM. The whales need you, Jim.sound1

Lions, Tigers, Monkeys And Dogs [602] This is Betty Frenell. I don't know who to call, but I can't reach my Food-Aholics partner. I'm at Vito's on my second pizza with sausage and mushroom. Jim, come and get me.sound1

Lions, Tigers, Monkeys And Dogs Part II [***] Jim, this is Janelle. I'm flying tonight so I can't make our date. But I've got to find a safe place for Daffy. He loves you, Jim. It's only two days and you'll see, Great Danes are no problem.sound1

Only Rock 'N' Roll Will Never Die Part One [603] (sung) We're down at Hennesey's Bar, Jim, having a drink or two. You better get down here quick, Jim, or we'll probably take up your stool!sound1

Only Rock 'N' Roll Will Never Die Part Two [604] Jimmy, this is Dora. I'm gonna move in with the kids, but I'll sure miss you, dear. Thank you for taking out the garbage every week. I'll send you a card for your birthday.sound1

Love Is The Word [605] This is Maria at Liberty Bail Bonds. Your client Todd Lehman skipped and his bail is forfeit. That's the pink slip on your '79 Firebird, I believe. Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.

Nice Guys Finish Dead [606] Jim, Dwight. I put a new outlet in the kitchen. I lay in the cable and the box. Then I pull the breaker just like you said. And both of my tv sets start burning. What should I do now?sound1

The Hawaiian Headache [607] Billings, LAPD. You know Thursday is Chapman's twentieth year and we're giving a ltttle surprise party at the captain's. I think you should come. By the way, we need five bucks for the present. [This is the same message as in the pilot movie "Backlash Of The Hunter"]

No Fault Affair [608] Oh, I thought this was Dial-A-Joke. I'm going to a party and I need some icebreakers. But, uh, I guess that's...that.

The Big Cheese [609] This is The Baron. Angel Martin tells me you buy information. Okay, meet me at 1 A.M. behind the bus depot, bring $500, and come alone. I'm serious.sound1

Just A Coupla Guys [610] Mr. Rockford, this is Betty-Jo Withers. I got four shirts of yours from the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake. I don't know why they gave me men's shirts, but they're going back.

Deadlock In Parma [611] Because of where you live says so much about you, your home has been selected by Royal Imperial Roofing and Siding as our neighborhood showcase. A bonded representative will call on you.

Movies

The Rockford Files (a.k.a. Backlash Of The Hunter) [001] Billings, LAPD. You know, Thursday is Chapman's 20th year, and we're giving a little surprise party at the Captain's. I think you should come. By the way, we need five bucks for the present.sound1

I Still Love L.A. [002] Jim, it's Benny. I know your sewer's backed up, but I can't get out there today. Maybe your buyers won't notice.

A Blessing In Disguise [003] Jim, it's Paul. Hey, I've been waiting two months for that invitation, buddy. Are you gonna get that new sportschannel before the Rams leave L.A.?

 

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